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Show kindness to yourself first...

Last week my world was rocked to the core!

As were many others.

It was the week that our Prime Minister started to shut everything down, to help stop the spread of Covid-19. In our gym we had already started taking step weeks before, following guidelines and being smart in general.

We knew the start of the lock down was coming, but we were unsure as to what it was, what it was to look like, and how it would affect our small business.

Sure enough, gyms were out – and the roller coaster ride began. Being a person first, l totally respect and understand the decision. I am more than happy to do my little bit to help; well helping anyone, it’s in my nature.

Then 24 hours later, the decision was changed for Personal Training - yes, you can continue, no more than 10 people and must keep the social distancing of 1.5m.

It was a double fist pump off the couch, the gym was back, we can make this work. Both our phones blew up, with so many messages, and many happy clients. We were back on top of the rollercoaster – little did l know we were about to come crashing back down.

To be totally honest, l thought most things would go back to normal, seeing as though we have a super safe space, we can train outdoors, l have a heap of ‘no equipment’ required workouts due to working offsite so many times. My clients know we are being smart, cleaning constantly, no touching and the gym has hand sanitiser everywhere!

But no, most of my clients, didn’t want to come back – just because we got the go ahead my clients still wanted to do their bit, to help stop the spread. And l couldn’t of been more proud of the decisions that they were making.

I had already started with the online programming after the first announcement came out. Posting clips, l was trying to avoid the virtual online sessions. A – because l believe the internet would crash, B – l am not very good at the computer world C – l have been following other fitness people and they aren’t getting as many people to their sessions as what they would normally – Here l was in a really negative head space.

I spent the first three nights of the week drinking wine, l couldn’t switch my mind off – being a small business owner you never do, you are always working, thinking, writing things down. This then affected my training, which then affected my moods, then the snowball continued.

Over the first three days, the schools also had announced they would be starting school holidays early, all the weightlifting comps l had been training for have been postponed, my husbands work was up in the air. Everything that has a major part of my life was all up in the air.

There were so many decisions to be made – business decisions had to be made after hours quickly, due to Josh having to work 8 to 5, the kids schedule had to be sorted, my training had to have a new direction put in place (my Coach, also had a lot going on too) and my clients, they didn’t know what they wanted to do, as they were taking it all day by day.

While all this was going on, l had been dealing with adrenal fatigue – l know some people don’t believe in it, and some say ‘just take some vitamin B’ – either way my nervous system was shot. I was running at about a 3 out of 10, 10 being the highest energy score. I hadn’t been sleeping for about six weeks already, many nights spent on the couch, my body was constantly in the fight mode, having no idea how to switch off. I was running on ‘fake energy’ so to speak.

Then the roller coast ride came along, l wasn’t in the right state to be making decisions, l was barely looking after myself – now to make life changing decisions? To make decisions that will affect my family, our income, our small business that we have built up over the last 9 years?

I keep thinking back to what the business has been through over the last 9 years; people lying about us, making up rumours to try to make people leave so we shut the doors. Other gyms opening, and so many more – l am not worried that our business won’t survive – l am worried about our members and clients not getting the movement that they need.

I ended up crashing mentally last week, and it didn’t help seeing others on the socials saying how great their lives are, how easy it is to go online and so on.

Having my introvert qualities – l need quiet to re-charge, to re-group but with having the kids at home, all while making these quick and fast decisions, l couldn’t. I would start something and l would hear ‘Mum, mum, mum,’ It’s not my kids fault they are learning to readjust, their lives have been changed too. Something that would normally take 10-15mins on the computer, with the kids home would take 45-60mins. I was losing time in my day so quickly.

I needed to find my peace, so l could re-charge. I started with the Wim Holf breathing techniques. I could do these as the kids were still asking questions or needing help. I started to relax and be ok with making the decisions.

I needed structure in my house. I drew a ‘home school’ schedule for my kids. They knew what was required for them and when and what activity was coming next. I also needed my house to stay clean, a clean space = a clean mind.

As for the ‘virtual’ sessions, we didn’t want to rush in and follow everyone. We want to be sure the program that we would be using would be easy, and not crash. The decision was made there.

My goals have changed – it took a little longer to get my head around, but safe to say l am there.

My new directions

As myself – remember to breathe, take everything day by day.

As a wife – to support my husband, listen when he speaks, so love and kindness.

As a mother – keep our girls healthy, safe, fit, mentally stimulated.

Business Owner – day by day, and hold on tight, have no expectations of others, but show up, be present and do what we do best. I know we will make it through. Upskill, learn, grow, develop.

As an Athlete – time to get STRONG, recover well, look after my body.

As a friend/person – show kindness, l know we are all going through this together and everyone in a different way.

People think working from home you have heaps of time to clean the pantry, do the garden and so on. But you don’t, the days fill with running the small business so quickly – that l am running out of time. I thought l would have had the cubby painted by now, but that is still down the list!

No one knows how long this will take to get through, the one piece of advice l would give you is to look after yourself, move as much as you can, eat as clean as you can, drink lots of water (no wine, the bottle has been put away now!) and show kindness to yourself first, then you will show it to others…

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