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Parent, Coach, which hat?

Parent, Coach, which hat?

Over the lockdown time, l got to spend more time with my kids.  I got to be involved more in their activities.  Both the girls, participate in Cheerleading.  Being a parent and a Coach is sometimes can be hard to figure out which hat to wear.  

Do l Coach, or do l parent.  As a Coach l can see where and what needs to be fixed, as a parent, l need to be quiet and let the girls sort out what needs to be fixed.  If l Coach to much, well l should be a parent, it will drive them away from asking for help, or letting me be part of what they do.  Sometimes, even we know this, you just want to vent, you don’t want to hear a solution, you want to get it out of your head out of your mind - so you can move on.

I was listening to the big one talk about her Cheerleading the other day.  As along with everything else, they are unable to train together, due to contact.  She told me that she was starting to lose confidence in her skills.

I sat there are listen, took a moment, to think about which hat to have on.

Ok, so at this moment l can either Coach the heck out of her, or l can listen and reply with ‘l am here if you need help, tell me what you need me to do.’ 

I put my Mum hat on.  A few days later she came to me and asked if l would help her.  Trying not to be too excited l said very cool and casually ‘yep sure.’  As l am fist-pumping in the air!  Off we went!

‘Whats first kido?’  I got shown a youtube clip, ‘do what she does Mum’  on it!  As l was watching hee warm-up, l was trying not to instill my mindset knowledge on her, come on Mum, she knows what she is doing.

We start practicing the drill - here’s Mum nailing the spotting work.  Then a little mistake was made, l didn’t say anything, then that lead into a bigger mistake, then there were tears and frustration.  Now it was time for Mum to become the Coach.

‘Iz, do you mind if l say something?’  More tears, ‘l don’t know what’s going wrong?’

Me being the emotional person that l am, holding my tears back.  I asked her if she thought that the first time she did the drill, it would look like the youtube clip.  And of course, she said yes.

‘You have to be ready to fail, to fail over and over again, so you will have the drive to keep getting better - how many times has your Coach failed at Cheerleading?  How many times do you think l have failed a lift?  Failing is a beautiful thing, its how you learn, so what did you think that you did wrong in the last drill?  Life and movement aren’t what it is like on the socials, it’s the highlight move.’

Iz looked at me, wiped her face, and went back to work practicing.

To be successful at something, your head and heart need to aline, if you think you want it, but truly don’t want it inside then it’s not going to come together.

I can not take the credit for the parenting tips, l was listening to a podcast from a USA High School Football Coach, and he spoke about the different hats to wear as a parent.  First, you are the caregiver, then the policeman, then the Coach and the consultant when they leave the nest.

I want our girls to come to us for help with sports, but l don’t want them to think we will tell them our way is the right way.  It may not be for them.  As a parent l want our girls to know and feel that they are loved and valued, so they have the confidence to make mistakes, or have a crack.  Not to be afraid, in case they fail.

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