How do you make time for yourself as a Mother?
This is a hard question!
I have had a few conversations over the last week about, finding time for yourself while being a Mum. When l have told the clients l have been working with, ‘it is okay to have time for yourself’ l watch their faces and body language in reaction.
They start to sink back into themselves and shake their head in the answer for ‘no-no it isn’t’. And the response they give is, ‘how do you take time away from your kids and have time for yourself when there is so much to do, and without feeling guilty.’
‘So much to do.’
There will always be so much to do, there will always be washing, cleaning, running the kids around, cooking, preparing for the next day. There will always be a list as long as your arm, as you cross one thing off another thing will go on.
I think there is nothing more important than time for yourself. As the popular saying goes ‘how can you fill another’s cup when yours is empty?’ And that’s a great question, how can you give to another soul, when you have nothing to give?
How can you be kind to someone else, when you are not being kind to yourself? We are all worthy, we are all capable of showing kindness to ourselves, but then why does a Mum put herself last?
Being a Mum, there is nothing quite like it, l believe my role as a Mum, is to love, care, protect, and help guide my girls to become better humans. And l totally understand that there will be mistakes along the way. How else will my girls learn right from wrong? Will, they always believe me when l say it's wrong, NO, they will need to find out for themselves. For example, the heaters hot, don’t touch, what do they do, touch it. Mmmm heaters hot Mum! YEP!
It is easy for me to sit back and say, oh that’s not the right decision, because l have lived through it already, whereas the girls they haven’t.
How can l show my girls to be kind to themselves when l am not doing it myself. A picture says 1000 words. The girls are watching more than l know they are, they are seeing how l act, how l speak, and how l go through life.
They know and understand when Mum needs a rest, rest is so important in the busy lives that we lead, that we forget that’s it’s okay to sit and watch a movie in the afternoon. You should be able to rest without the fear of being judged.
Letting my girls see that l read books, this then makes reading a normal part of our day. I also explain to my girls, that l do need to rest today - (Mamma has been training hard and is unsure when she will be feeling her legs again). Then l explain, if l rest today, l will have more energy for you later, l will be less cranky, less bossy and we can have a great time together.
I think that we do get swept up in the ‘busy’ lifestyle, thinking that we do have to move at a faster pace than what we really need to. It is ok to give yourself permission to stop, to rest, to smell the roses.
Think about something that you would love to do for yourself. It could be painting, gardening, getting to the gym. For me, my training is booked into my schedule, as an appointment, it is definitely a non-negotiable. Because for me, training brings me joy, it makes me less cranky throughout the day, it gives me direction on how l want to live my life. It fills my soul.
I talk to my girls about how important training is for me and they understand and get it.
Putting a value on having time for yourself will take the feeling of being guilty away. I need to make the time, so l can grow as a mother, l can grow as a human, l can give back again. I know you can find the time, if something is important to you, you will always find time to make it happen.
I wear many different hats throughout the day, and this isn’t the place to showcase that. There are times that l miss out on what my girls have done or are doing, but nothing brings them more joy than talking to me about it. When l sit and really listen, their faces light up and they fill me in with all the details, that’s when l feel like l am the luckiest Mum in the world. Then l hug them (every day) and tell them that l am proud of them and l love them very much as l do.