I received a phone call the other day, it was from someone l used to know.
As we were on the together, l got asked, ‘l need you to forgive me…’
This has been playing over and over again in my mind. Why do l need to forgive you to help you move on with your life? To forgive to help someone feel better about themselves.
I reason l ask this question is that, why do need someone else to forgive us when we are the one doing the act?
There is a quote from Tom Bilyeu that l love ‘if you aren’t embarrassed by the way you acted when you were younger then you haven’t grown as a person.’
We all do things, some things when we are young, other things when we are old. But to ask others forgiveness for an act isn’t going to help you move on from the situation. It will only give you a moment’s peace and it will arise again.
Forgiveness starts with forgiving yourself. Forgiving yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know, for understanding why you acted that way to start with.
None leads a perfect life, even though looking in it may seem that way. We all have a battle with something or someone - that’s just life, that’s how we learn, that’s how we grow, that how we move forward being a better human.
Being accountable for your actions is huge, it takes a brave person to put their hand up and say ‘oh that was me, l made a mistake.’
Is that why people ask others for forgiveness because they don’t want to be accountable for their actions? Putting what they have done in someone else’s hands? It is a really interesting hole to do down, to ask why to lean into the reasons and ask the questions.
I have worked with many different clients over the years, and when they walk into the gym they are carrying the baggage from different events from the past. I am not a therapist, l have done a little bit of training but nothing too in-depth, but humans and humans behaviours interest me.
Being a trainer, l don’t have to have the answers, l need to ask questions though. My clients as we all have the answers, it just up to each one of us to be brave and answer them truthfully. I always ask ‘how do you feel about that…?’
Everything goes back to you can only control what you can control. You can’t control other people’s thoughts or actions. What seems to be right for one person doesn’t mean it is right for another person.
One of the nest things that you can do, and l know l have been through some heartache through my time, is to forgive yourself. Sit down and take some time to work through the situation, be okay with not being right, learn from it, let it go, and move forward. And control what you can control, don’t let others control what you can.
If you need extra help there are so many wonderful services out there you can reach out to as well.